I Am a Recovering Addict Who Suffers From Depression

I Am a Recovering Addict Who Suffers From Depression

Living as a recovering addict who also suffers from depression is a hard and challenging ordeal. The urges I still get to find narcotics along with the bouts of depression I feel puts such a strain on my life that it is sometimes difficult to get out of bed.

I began taking narcotics and tranquilizers when I was 18 years old. My mother passed away from ovarian cancer so my doctor began prescribing me Loracets and Valium to help ease the pain I was feeling over my loss. It wasn’t long that I found I needed even more of the pills to take away the pain. Before I knew it I was a full blown addict and didn’t even know it. My doctor kept prescribing these to me for my problems with depression. It wasn’t until I moved away and quit seeing that doctor that I realized I was addicted. I began getting very sick and thought that I had the flu. When it did not stop I began my own research online and realized that I was going through withdrawal.

My father, who could not stand the pain either, also moved away to begin a new life and I was not invited. I suppose I reminded him too much of my mother because he still to this day will not look at any pictures of her. I felt that I had lost both of my parents. I began finding ways to find the drugs that my doctor had been prescribing me. The depression was killing me. I would often do anything to get narcotics. This includes spending money saved for necessities to buy my drugs from the street. I was always thinking that if I got high I could get rid of the depression I was feeling. Well this is what we would call cutting off your nose to spite your face because once the high was gone I would realize that I did not have any money for groceries or anything else for that matter. The guilt and depression came right back and got even worse.

It was after a terrible car accident that I caused because I was drinking to kill the pain of withdrawal and depression that I decided to stop taking pills. I suffered through the nasty withdrawal sickness for about 3 months but somehow found the willpower to get through it. I am now a recovering addict who quit cold turkey after hearing everyone tell me that it was impossible to do. Believe me, I considered other methods, but they all required taking medications that included some form of a narcotic. How could that possibly be the answer? I tried taking my friends methadone once and I was high for about 4 days. I don’t see how that can be considered a treatment for someone who is trying to get off of narcotics.

Now that I have fixed my addiction to narcotics I still have to face the depression I feel over the loss of my mother. It has been 15 years since her death and I still grieve every single day for her. My depression has developed into complicated grief and I don’t think that I can fix this one by myself.